Loving a Creative Soul

Loving a creative soul

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. No excuse, really, other than being horribly busy, but I did find myself pondering something that has been an issue for me my entire adult life.

Being an artist of any kind has never been considered a “legitimate” career by mainstream society. Now, these same folks love to go to concerts, collect expensive art, libraries of books, and so on… but the artists themselves, vagabonds, irresponsible, “less than”. These people are the ones who steer their children from following their creative endeavors, for more “stable” careers. They would be embarrassed to have a starving artist in the family, no matter how happy it made the artist themselves. It’s sad really, how much beautiful art, music, poetry has been lost to children who’s gifts have been crushed by disapproving parents.

Now, should a child manage to survive with their parent’s support, they still have other hurdles to jump. The rigors of favoritism in school/college and even once they are out in the world. This can be overcome with tenacity though, one must just find the right people at the right time, keep at it, and dreams do come true.

Probably the BIGGEST mountain that an artist must climb in life, is finding an understanding and supportive mate. It seems that people fall in love with the artist, while they are being an artist, then as soon as they get their claws into them… poof, they change their mind. Suddenly, this creative person should “quit the band”, “get a real job”, “grow up”, “get a haircut”…whatever. What makes these people think it’s ok to make such demands on the person they supposedly love? This is usually the same person who will demand that their own goals get reached, at the sacrifice of the artist, because their choices are more predictable, responsible, acceptable.

I had this in my own life. I sacrificed my dreams to make sure my husband’s career was successful, and he gladly let it happen. I wasn’t strong enough, or sure enough to follow through back then. It’s different now, he’s different now, but it was a struggle for both of us. Many of my musician friends, same thing. The endless battle with the spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend. Are they threatened? Scared? Jealous? yes, yes and yes. They are threatened by something they do not understand. They are threatened because this need to create is separate from them, and most times more deeply ingrained in our being. Scared, absolutely. Scared that we will leave them for our passion, that they will be shoved out of the way by our success, and left behind. When really, all they do is increase the risk of being left behind by trying to take away something that is as important to us as breathing. Jealous… almost always. Jealous of the art itself, jealous of the other artists we interact with, jealous of the attention we get because of what we do.

These feelings of being threatened, scared, jealous, while understandable… who is really the selfish, irrational one here? Certainly not the person who clearly sees their destiny as a creative soul. It’s the one who can’t trust and believe that the one they love is being true to themselves AND to their mate, and will not leave because of being allowed to create, but will more likely leave because of being suffocated, and kept from their art.

I also notice that it is generally the nature of the artist to allow these dreams to be taken away for love. This sense of responsibility, the need to feel accepted, the need for approval… so often we put our dreams off til later, to make our mate happy, to make them feel better, safe, secure, to be acceptable. Inside that is a slow death, a cancer that grows resentment, regret and animosity. Allowing a true creative spirit to be shut down is putting them in a prison, it’s cruel. On the other hand it is also up to us as artists to reassure our mate, not exclude them, to explain and help them understand the importance of this in our lives. We must also give equal support to what they want to achieve in their lives. Balance.

God doesn’t make mistakes. He doesn’t dole out the gift of art or music to everyone. We are carefully selected, and that drive, that need is in our soul on purpose. It’s a crime to keep these gifts from the world. How dare parents, spouses, loved ones hinder these God given gifts. They are robbing their loved one of their passion, and robbing the world of the joy that comes from their art.

So, to my artist friends. Stand up, fight, keep moving forward. We only get one go round on this earth, claim it! If the people who say they love you, truly love you, they will support you, and if they don’t, do it anyway.

To those of you who love an artist. Build them up, listen to their music, read their poems, look at their paintings and sculptures. Really appreciate the gift, support, be a cheerleader. Realize that what you want out of YOUR life isn’t the only thing that matters, you cannot dictate if and when creative pursuits matter. If you can’t do that, sat the very least get out of the way. Life is about balance and everyone getting what they need, it is possible to achieve.

Luckily, here in our house, we have found that balance. It may be 20 years later than we would have liked, but it’s here now, and I am thankful & stronger for it. I truly hope that all of you can find the balance in your lives to make your dreams, and the dreams of those you love come true.