Doctors.... Sometimes I think they're just guessing

Doctors… Sometimes I think they’re just guessing

About 3 months ago, I decided I would take my health firmly by the nads and make sure I was mentally and physically ok.

This started with a visit to my regular doctor to discuss the anxiety and depression, bad dreams and all that jazz. She put me on the dreaded prozac. What a disaster. I was a complete drooling zombie, and I had absolutely no desire for any “funny business” with Steve. So, about a month after that we decided to change to Wellbutrin. Now, lucky for her, the second guess was a good one. So far, this has been a miracle drug for me. With some dosage tweaking, I think we have a winner.

Then onto the total and complete physical. I’m ashamed to say that it had been at least 5 years since I had had an annual anything. I know, I know, bad me. There is no good excuse for it, as we have insurance that covers that stuff 100%. I solemnly swear that I will go every year from now on, or risk flogging from the masses. From the blood work, I found out that my cholesterol has come down from 197 to 175, yay me! Most of the other stuff was normal too. HOWEVER, they did find some odd stuff in my hormonal department. In comes the referral to the fancy smancy endocrinologist (hormone doc).

I get to the hormone doc today (wait over an hour, btw..wtf? an hour behind at 10am?), and am told that over all my hormones look fine, that what my regular doc thought was an issue is a total non issue. The only thing she found was an elevated testosterone level. This would probably explain the fu man chu & mustache that I have been getting waxed off my face since I was 13. But, she’s not sure if it’s genetics because I’m 3/4 german, my age, or the hormones that are causing my manly hair growth. So, another guess, and I’m now on birth control pills even though I had my tubes tied 11 years ago, and some kind of water pill. It will be 6 months before I “might” see a difference. *sigh I think the laser treatment would be easier, quicker and more permanent (probably cheaper in the long run).

Onward towards my therapist. She’s not a doctor, but a social worker trained & very qualified in counseling of various types. I have no idea where that whole thing is headed. So far I’ve answered a bunch of questions about my past & present (some of which were really REALLY hard to be honest about with a stranger), and we have set some goals for therapy. She has helped me with techniques to relax when anxiety comes up, and some ways to get my point across to my children and others without sounding like a total bitch person. (I have not yet mastered either of these things…) Some of the stuff we’ve discussed have brought up memories that I never wanted to think about again, and it feels REALLY bad.

So I have a bunch of these re-opened seeping, infected mental wounds…and she tells me after this week, we’ll take a break and see how it goes. !!! why? Is she going to leave me like this? Is she just guessing? Do I seem like I’m fine and don’t need therapy? DO I need therapy? Is she just giving me a break before the real work begins? Why didn’t I ask her “why” before I left…*trying out the new relaxation techniques.

So I wonder, do these people really know what they are doing, or is it a bunch of trial and error? Are we the guinea pigs of the medical world, and hopefully they’ll pull the right treatment out of the Price is Right “3 Strikes” bag before they get 3 X’s and it’s game over?

I’ll let you know how it all turns out. I feel like I’m on a journey, and I’m kind of blindly walking through the fog right now, starting to see some light, still not sure where or when I’ll get there, and very unsure of where I’m even going. I GUESS, I’ll just keep going step by step, and keep my fingers crossed that those I have trusted with my health will make the right choices for me.