I use the terms in the title loosely, because I think both of them are total bullshit descriptions of moms. There is no clear distinction between these two "groups" of women. A mom is not exclusively a member of one or the other, there is way too much gray area between the two. Honestly, I think some women on both sides of the coin need to get off their high and mighty horses, get over themselves, and practice a little understanding.
I suppose I would be classified in the first category, since I do not have a paying job, with a boss and regular hours and all that stuff. (I much prefer the terms "Domestic Goddess" or "Kept Woman" they somehow sound more glamorous). I have been told I'm spoiled, that I have never had a real job, that I need to grow up and stop letting Steve take care of me, that I "don't know what it's like". *sigh, I refuse to justify my choices to these people, and usually just smile and walk away, but this one time I will defend myself.
First off, I am spoiled in a way, because we are fortunate enough that we had the choice whether I would work outside the home or not. But I recognize that the ability to choose is a wonderful privilege. I would have been plenty capable and willing to have a job and career if that's what we felt was best for our family, or if I hadn't had a choice. I'm sure there are plenty of women out their working and busting their asses when they would rather be home with their kids if they could be.
Secondly, yes I have had real jobs in the past. I started working at the age of 13, and often worked 2 jobs in the summer. This girl wasn't born with any kind of silver spoon in her mouth. I was either a full time student, or working full time right up until we had Mackenzie, and have had stints of working since then. Steve's job is demanding, stressful, and it worked out better for us that I take care of the kids and home so he could concentrate on being as successful as possible in his career. It must have worked because he IS very successful with a promising future to move even further ahead in his job. I have just as much invested in his career as he does.
Grow up? well...what is that exactly? Am I a grown up when I am working and getting a pay check? Am I a grown up when I am taking care of my family & doing what we feel is best for us? Beats me, I guess I'm a grown up now, but I certainly have a TON of growing up to do yet. Does that process ever really stop? Aren't we always growing and improving ourselves? If we're not, we should be.
How long am I going to let Steve "take care of me". Well, if that means financially, then the answer would be" forever", I guess. But, I take pretty damn good care of him too. I pay the bills, clean the house, do the shopping, cook, do the laundry, keep track of our schedules and a ton of other parental/married person/responsible adult type things. He pretty much has to go to work, and come home to relax. If there's anything extra that I need help with, I ask, but that's rare. Oh, and he takes out the trash & pumps my gas, my girly self hates those 2 smelly jobs. If I were a working mom, all these things would still need to be done, and would probably be split equally between Steve and I. Our workload is split pretty much down the middle now.
It's true, I don't "know what it's like" to juggle a full time job with a family. But, on the flip side, moms who work don't "know what it's like" to stay home. It gets lonely, it's harder to make friends, it's easy to become out of touch with the world or let yourself go, and you end up talking to your dogs like they are actual people.
That's the problem in a nutshell. There are pros and cons to each. The trick is to figure out what works best in YOUR life, and not have an opinion about what someone else chooses.
Some women really love their jobs, and love to work. That's awsome! Go for it, women can have fantastically successful careers in America.
Some women know their limitations and wouldn't be able to handle being home all day with their brood. Well, good for them for knowing themselves well enough to leave their children in the hands of a caregiver who LOVES to be with their kids all day long. That mom can come home in the evening and give her kids her very best during the time they are together. It's much better than being home all day miserable, and making the kids miserable.
Some women have no choice and must work. These days it's hard to make it even when both parents are working. Kudos to you moms for doing what you need to do to make sure your family is taken care of, whether you want to work or not, you do it because it's what needs to be done.
It makes me so mad when some of these stay home moms accuse working moms of neglecting their children, and make claims that thier kids are "so much better off because I stay home". Here comes the bullshit flag again. Please, children of working moms turn out just fine. If anything, they learn better coping & social skills, and are more independent than a kid who is hovered over until they move out. My sister works full time, and travels 14 weeks out of the year and her kid is the picture of a stable, independent, smart 4 year old.
Then there's the stay home moms who claim that they work "just as hard" if not harder, than full time working moms. Ladies, get a grip, please. All the stuff moms at home do, still needs to be done at the home of a working mom. No one is going to fire us if we don't get the laundry done by Friday. We don't have to worry about losing our jobs. We don't have to take a shower and get all done up for work every day, and nobody cares if we accidentally sleep in. Yes, being a stay home mom has it's stresses, and it's a lot of work, but "just as hard"...I just can't buy into that one. I'd be working a hell of a lot harder if I had to do what I do with 40 less hours in a week.
Women like me, we fall somewhere in the middle. I love being a mom, I love taking care of my house and family, but I still need to have something of my own. So, I am a part time musician. This barely pays for itself, and contributes next to nothing financially to our household, but I am fulfilling a need I have for myself. Some would argue that my being gone on the weekend evenings, working in a bar, is not a good example, but, it's better than sitting home bitter, resentful and regretful because I didn't get to live out my dream. Which would be more harmful to my children in reality? Other moms might like to volunteer, coach, or an endless list of things that don't pay off financially but give their lives meaning outside the family.
Some women just plain live to be a mom, and their dream has come true that they can stay home, be a homemaker, be PTA president, scout leader and soccer mom extraordinaire. Another wonderful and completely acceptable choice. I bow down to these super moms, for sure! I could never pull it off.
Some women home school and don't want their kids in public school. That's cool, if you've got the patience to home school your kids, and feel it is what is best, go for it. But don't judge those of us who send our kids to public school. We're not sending them to some dangerous and horrible place where they won't get an education, and will end up on drugs, in gangs, pregnant and in prison. Public school moms could just as easily say you are sheltering your kids too much from the outside world, killing their social lives, and they're going to have trouble when they are on their own out in the big bad real world. (I don't believe that at ALL, but hey, you can't have big opinions about other people's lives unless you are willing to accept that others will have big opinions about yours). Besides, I went to publik skool, so did most peeple I no, and a lot of us have terned out jus fine. (sorry, couldn't resist, lol)
As a "stay home mom" I hate it when I get that look of pity from a working mom. Like it's so sad that I didn't have a career. I could give an equally misguided look of pity to her that she has to work and slave away at a real job and be away from her family so much. I would never give that look though, honestly I don't really care either way. Whatever floats yer boat.
I could go on and on about the stupid things some women say about other women's career choices, but here's my point. There is no right or wrong answer. We all must figure out what's best for ourselves and our families. The most important things are that we make the best of the time we have with our kids, make sure we are providing them with love, stability & the necessities of life. Isn't that all we can do? There is no clear cut definition for these things, and the fanatical extremists, on BOTH sides, who think their way is the only way need to keep their noses out of other people's business.
So, to ALL you moms out there. Be proud of yourself, whether you work full time, part time, not at all, volunteer, work from home, travel, or any variation of all of these. Your family will be the best off when you are doing what works best for YOU, when you are making decisions with your partner, supporting each other, and most of all doing all of it with love. Moms of all kinds are the hardest working beings on the planet, and we need to support each other's right to choose the path that works best for us.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Responsible Speaking
Let me preface this whole thing with me making it clear that I believe in free speech in this country, however, we still need to be careful where and when and around whom we speak.
Here is the inspiration for today's thoughts:
Today I went to the Porter Ridge Highschool to pick up Mackenzie early. I was in the office waiting and a woman behind me, standing at the desk said (rather loudly) "I don't care if they smoke, if they're legal, I say smoke 'em! Just not here or around me, I'm not going to judge anyone." I turned around, probably with a look of total shock on my face. Here was an adult woman, with 7 high schoolers (some of whom were in the midst of the conversation), a secretary, another man, and myself. None of these kids were 18. Why on EARTH would she say that? I said "Wow....I hope you don't ever say that in front of my kid." She backpeddled some "well, it's bad for you and you'll get cancer, but still". Just thinking about it I can feel my blood pressure rising. After she left the room, I asked the secretary who this woman was. Wanna know? This was an assistant principle, a person of authority in my daughter's high school.
Now, I completely agree with her statement. An adult can make these decisions for themself, and absolutely should be able to make those choices. However, never in a million years would I boisterously announce this opinion in a room full of other people's children that I was being paid to educate. It's hard enough to raise kids these days without having to battle being undermined by someone at the school. I can see it...
Parent "you better not be smoking."
Kid "I'm 18 and Miss Riker said that an adult should be able to smoke since it's legal, she said so at school"
In North Carolina, the legal age for sexual consent is 16. Would she say "Hey, if you're 16 and legal, scrump like bunnies, go for it! I'm not gonna judge anyone."
You can get married at 17 in North Carolina "Hey, if you're old enough and want to get married, go ahead! Have a few kids while you're at it, you're of age. I'm not gonna judge."
We need to understand as adults, that kids look up to us, listen to us, remember what we say. I'm quite certain I say stuff around my own kids that other parents wouldn't appreciate. We have a very frank and honest approach to parenting. But not everyone does, so I try to watch what I say when the kids have friends over. Our expectations are high, we're open and frank about life, but in no way would I ever endorse unhealthy behavior, no matter how legal it is. The decisions they make once they move out are their own, hopefully we will have given them the tools to make smart choices.
Teachers, pastors, coaches, mentors, etc. take on extra responsibility when they decide they are going to foster and educate other people's children. We as parents trust that they will be a positive influence, and respect certain unspoken boundaries. Whatever their personal beliefs, and whatever they do in their personal lives is their own business. But a blatant proclamation like that is completely inappropriate. It wasn't in the context of an educational debate, this was not an attempt to inspire a thought provoking conversation, it was just a statement in the middle of the High School Office. I'm still kind of boggled by it.
I'm not a naggy parent, I don't even go to my kid's conferences, because they get A's and B's, and have no behavioral problems. But I did call the Principle on this one, and ended up talking to a higher up administrator. They were less than pleased. I'm sure that Miss Riker is a very nice woman, and probably a great assistant principle, and maybe I was there for the rare moment when she wasn't thinking straight. I hated making the phone call, because I'm sure they get a ton of bitchy moms and dads calling to complain about every little thing, but I just couldn't let this one slide. I could never be a teacher or an adminstrator at a school. I am smart enough to know that I'm ill equipped for that kind of responsibility, and the crazy parents would probably drive me nuts.
What do you think? What would you have done? Should I have just let it go, or was the phone call justified? I FEEL like I'm in the right, but maybe I'm way off base. The other two adults in the room didn't say anything, and the secretary completely avoided having to give an opinion (even though at least two of the kids in that room were hers...). Help me out here.
Raising kids and making sure they are in the best possible environments is rough. I know life isn't perfect, and they will be in situations where they need to make hard choices. That's why we are so frank and honest about things. We want to send them out into the world with the confidence to make good choices, and handle it when they make a bad one. Trying to protect them from every little thing will only make it a bigger shock when they get out into the world. Bad influences will come into their lives, and hopefully we've done a good enough job that they can see it for what it is. I just never expected a situation to come from an administrator at the school. I'm disappointed, but it did make for an opportunity to have a conversation with my kids. Even the people who are supposed to have the answers can be wrong, and make mistakes sometimes. Listen to your heart, remember what you've been taught and stand by it as best you can. I guess that's the best we all can do.
Here is the inspiration for today's thoughts:
Today I went to the Porter Ridge Highschool to pick up Mackenzie early. I was in the office waiting and a woman behind me, standing at the desk said (rather loudly) "I don't care if they smoke, if they're legal, I say smoke 'em! Just not here or around me, I'm not going to judge anyone." I turned around, probably with a look of total shock on my face. Here was an adult woman, with 7 high schoolers (some of whom were in the midst of the conversation), a secretary, another man, and myself. None of these kids were 18. Why on EARTH would she say that? I said "Wow....I hope you don't ever say that in front of my kid." She backpeddled some "well, it's bad for you and you'll get cancer, but still". Just thinking about it I can feel my blood pressure rising. After she left the room, I asked the secretary who this woman was. Wanna know? This was an assistant principle, a person of authority in my daughter's high school.
Now, I completely agree with her statement. An adult can make these decisions for themself, and absolutely should be able to make those choices. However, never in a million years would I boisterously announce this opinion in a room full of other people's children that I was being paid to educate. It's hard enough to raise kids these days without having to battle being undermined by someone at the school. I can see it...
Parent "you better not be smoking."
Kid "I'm 18 and Miss Riker said that an adult should be able to smoke since it's legal, she said so at school"
In North Carolina, the legal age for sexual consent is 16. Would she say "Hey, if you're 16 and legal, scrump like bunnies, go for it! I'm not gonna judge anyone."
You can get married at 17 in North Carolina "Hey, if you're old enough and want to get married, go ahead! Have a few kids while you're at it, you're of age. I'm not gonna judge."
We need to understand as adults, that kids look up to us, listen to us, remember what we say. I'm quite certain I say stuff around my own kids that other parents wouldn't appreciate. We have a very frank and honest approach to parenting. But not everyone does, so I try to watch what I say when the kids have friends over. Our expectations are high, we're open and frank about life, but in no way would I ever endorse unhealthy behavior, no matter how legal it is. The decisions they make once they move out are their own, hopefully we will have given them the tools to make smart choices.
Teachers, pastors, coaches, mentors, etc. take on extra responsibility when they decide they are going to foster and educate other people's children. We as parents trust that they will be a positive influence, and respect certain unspoken boundaries. Whatever their personal beliefs, and whatever they do in their personal lives is their own business. But a blatant proclamation like that is completely inappropriate. It wasn't in the context of an educational debate, this was not an attempt to inspire a thought provoking conversation, it was just a statement in the middle of the High School Office. I'm still kind of boggled by it.
I'm not a naggy parent, I don't even go to my kid's conferences, because they get A's and B's, and have no behavioral problems. But I did call the Principle on this one, and ended up talking to a higher up administrator. They were less than pleased. I'm sure that Miss Riker is a very nice woman, and probably a great assistant principle, and maybe I was there for the rare moment when she wasn't thinking straight. I hated making the phone call, because I'm sure they get a ton of bitchy moms and dads calling to complain about every little thing, but I just couldn't let this one slide. I could never be a teacher or an adminstrator at a school. I am smart enough to know that I'm ill equipped for that kind of responsibility, and the crazy parents would probably drive me nuts.
What do you think? What would you have done? Should I have just let it go, or was the phone call justified? I FEEL like I'm in the right, but maybe I'm way off base. The other two adults in the room didn't say anything, and the secretary completely avoided having to give an opinion (even though at least two of the kids in that room were hers...). Help me out here.
Raising kids and making sure they are in the best possible environments is rough. I know life isn't perfect, and they will be in situations where they need to make hard choices. That's why we are so frank and honest about things. We want to send them out into the world with the confidence to make good choices, and handle it when they make a bad one. Trying to protect them from every little thing will only make it a bigger shock when they get out into the world. Bad influences will come into their lives, and hopefully we've done a good enough job that they can see it for what it is. I just never expected a situation to come from an administrator at the school. I'm disappointed, but it did make for an opportunity to have a conversation with my kids. Even the people who are supposed to have the answers can be wrong, and make mistakes sometimes. Listen to your heart, remember what you've been taught and stand by it as best you can. I guess that's the best we all can do.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Day by Day, Week by Week
Each day I try to do SOMETHING to work towards the goals I have set for this year. Small steps added together can add up to big results.
I make sure I do something musical every day. With so much music to learn in such a short amount of time, it would be easy to get behind and be forced into a crunch if I didn't keep with it.
I am very careful with the food choices. Having two teenagers in the house can make eating healthy a challenge. They love their pizza and fast food. They are both skinny beanpoles, so I can't justify making them eat salad and tree bark every meal. So, if they want pizza, I have one little slice... fast food, I get the least harmful thing I can manage, and always off the kid's menu. For snacks, I stick with fruit, fiber bars, yogurt, but damn that gets so boring.
Lately it's been hard to find the motivation to work out. In all honesty, Steve and I have been complete lazy slackers. If I was being more diligent with walking, or doing P90x, my weight loss would be double, and I'd probably be at least 10 pounds closer to the goal. This is the area where I need the most work.
Continuing to build my personal life is also a big goal for the year. I have my second therapy session today. I didn't write about the first one, because I needed to let it soak in a little. I wasn't expecting to have to answer the hard questions right off the bat, and I didn't realize how much crap I had to get through. Today's session is all about setting the goals of what I want to accomplish while on the crazy sofa. On an up note, the Wellbutrin is still working wonders =)
These small choices are making a difference each week.
My life is crazy with excitement, goals and changes right now. The new band is going wonderful, the weightloss goal is being accomplished, my family is on it's feet, and I am so pleased with the control I am taking all the way around of my life.
It feels so good to be moving forward, and I will be so excited to look back at this year on my 40th birthday and see just how far I've come!
I make sure I do something musical every day. With so much music to learn in such a short amount of time, it would be easy to get behind and be forced into a crunch if I didn't keep with it.
I am very careful with the food choices. Having two teenagers in the house can make eating healthy a challenge. They love their pizza and fast food. They are both skinny beanpoles, so I can't justify making them eat salad and tree bark every meal. So, if they want pizza, I have one little slice... fast food, I get the least harmful thing I can manage, and always off the kid's menu. For snacks, I stick with fruit, fiber bars, yogurt, but damn that gets so boring.
Lately it's been hard to find the motivation to work out. In all honesty, Steve and I have been complete lazy slackers. If I was being more diligent with walking, or doing P90x, my weight loss would be double, and I'd probably be at least 10 pounds closer to the goal. This is the area where I need the most work.
Continuing to build my personal life is also a big goal for the year. I have my second therapy session today. I didn't write about the first one, because I needed to let it soak in a little. I wasn't expecting to have to answer the hard questions right off the bat, and I didn't realize how much crap I had to get through. Today's session is all about setting the goals of what I want to accomplish while on the crazy sofa. On an up note, the Wellbutrin is still working wonders =)
These small choices are making a difference each week.
My life is crazy with excitement, goals and changes right now. The new band is going wonderful, the weightloss goal is being accomplished, my family is on it's feet, and I am so pleased with the control I am taking all the way around of my life.
It feels so good to be moving forward, and I will be so excited to look back at this year on my 40th birthday and see just how far I've come!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Complicated and time consuming VS Easy and Quick
Stick with me here, I'll make my point eventually....
We all have to do the various stages of keeping our home clean:
There's the quickie 15 minute pick up, hide things in rooms, close the door , put the dishes in the oven, spray some fabreeze, and run the vacuum in the rooms people are going to see. This is handy when someone calls and says they're stopping in unexpectedly. If you're really good, you can brush your teeth, toss on some clean clothes, and slap on a quick coat of mascara. As long as you're not all sweaty and breathing heavy when they ring the door bell, you may just pull it off that this is how your house ALWAYS looks.
Then there's the light cleaning. This is where you run the vacuum, dust a little, maybe wipe off any gross stuff off the toilet. Straighten up and put things away, maybe wipe the counters down and do the dishes. Not a full cleaning, but when you're done the house looks tidy. These are the days you really want to take a nap and get a pedicure...so you do a little housework to rid your mind of the guilt of taking some time for yourself.
Then there's the regular cleaning, maybe every two weeks or so. This is where you scrub the bathroom down good, clean the mirrors, dust everything, change the sheets, vacuum & mop, vacuum under the cushions of the sofa. When you finish and turn around the house looks and smells clean, and you feel like you accomplished something. These are the days when you get annoyed that your husband didn't notice all your hard work, and you get really pissed when the kids leave peanut butter on the counter and don't wipe it up.
Then there's the stuff you only do a few times a year. Wipe down the doors, clean all the trim and window sills, vacuum under the furniture, dust the blinds, straightening out your closet and drawers, clean the inside of the fridge, clean the oven, maybe wipe out some cabinets or the pantry. This is extra and only done when you are having company in from out of town, or if it REALLY needs to be done. (this is also the list I turn to when I'm mad at the kids and want to punish them for pissing me off. They hate these jobs as much as I do, so might as well kill two birds with one stone: 1 - discipline 2 - I don't have to do it)
Then there's the once a year stuff. Cleaning up the mess from winter, raking (sometimes this is twice a year) trimming the bushes, making sure the front of your house looks clean and tidy (this is the side seen from the street, gotta keep up appearances), cleaning out the garage & dusting the ceiling fans. Which reminds me mine need to be done. These are sometimes a full day job, and you usually get really dirty. These jobs are best done with a 6 pack or more of your favorite alcoholic beverage, Diasy dukes, a bandana in yer hair, and loud music.
Then there's the stuff you put off forever, and don't really want to do, but have to do every couple years or so. Cleaning out the gutters, powerwashing the siding, any painting that needs to be done, aerating the yard, staining outdoor stuff that looks like crap. These are the big jobs that you would really rather hire someone to do, and you have to weigh the cost with the effort.
Onward towards my point...I already did the front of my house with magic erasers, windex, squeegies and scrub brushes. It looks like a brand new model home. I did this last year too. It takes about 12 hours to get it all sparklie clean. (I must give proper credit, Steve helped me for about 3 hours too).
The back and sides of my house are a totally different deal all together. We live along the tree line, have no neighbors behind us, and I've never seen my side neighbors in their back yards in the 18+ months we've lived here. So, what is my motivation for cleaning this as good as the front of the house? No one other than us is going to see it. The gutters are in dire need of a good scrubbing, & the windows have never been washed. I don't think the previous owners ever did anything back there either. So that's about 5 years of yuck. I can put it off no longer.
I figured I'd start with the rest of the 1st floor windows. I can reach them easily and there's only 12 of them left to do. (getting closer to what I'm trying to say)
My mother had a certain system for washing windows. It was terribly time consuming, very specific, and if you didn't do it exactly that way, it was wrong. Here it is:
1- remove screens and scrub both sides with a brush & soap, rinse and dry.
2 - vacuum and wipe out sills
3 - scrub entire window and trim. inside and out, with soapy water and a scrubbie
4 - wipe down window & trim with a wet rag
5 - windex and wipe with a dry cloth
6 - buff dry with a paper towel
every spec of fly poop better have been removed as well.
Ok there is no doubt that this will result in a beautifully clean and streak free window. It also takes at LEAST half an hour per window. My house has 29 windows. There is no freaking way I'm spending 15+ hours washing windows. The first time it rains, guess what...they're filthy again anyway.
I discovered today that the spray on window washing stuff you use with your hose actually works, at a cost of a whopping $7.50. Here's the process:
1 - rinse for 20 seconds
2 - spray with soap for 20 seconds
3 - let sit for a minute or so
4 - rinse till suds are gone
5 - let air dry
2 minutes tops, and I was doing 3 windows at a time. You still have to wipe out the inside sills and stuff, but that's easily added to a day of light cleaning some other time.
so I did all 12 of the remaining downstairs windows in less than half an hour. Damned if I can't tell the difference between the front windows and the back windows.
So here's my point. I still feel like they are not clean enough, that I didn't do them good enough, and that I took the easy lazy way out. I have been programed that unless a job is hard, and time consuming then it's not done right. God forbid there are easier and just as effective ways of doing things. I need a RE-programming.
This whole point also applies to mopping floors. There's no way a mop could possibly clean the floors as good as doing it on your hands and knees, right? That's what our mothers and grandmothers told us, so it must be true. When I was a kid we had to vacuum, then dust mop, then mop on our hands and knees. These days I usually vacuum, spray some mop and clean, go over it with a mop, and call it good. But, there's always this nagging voice in my head "you know they're not as clean as if you had done them on your hands and knees you lazy slacker."
Last week I decided I would do a full kitchen cleaning. It needed it. I wiped down and oiled all the cabinets, got into the corners of the floor with a brush, washed the walls, and mopped on my hands and knees. In total about 8 hours of cleaning. Wanna know what I discovered? There was hardly any gunk in the cracks of the trim, and the mop water in the bucket was hardly dirty. The damned floors were already clean from the mop! Still, I felt like it was "better" because it took me 4 times as long and hurt my back and knees.
Am I the only one who struggles with this impossible to achieve ideal? Does housework have to be physically demanding, and take forever for it to count? Brushing the cookie crumbs onto the floor should be just as good as getting a rag and wiping them up, right? The floor's going to get vacuumed within a few days anyway, and more than likely the dogs will enjoy the extra morsels.
I think that as long as the end goal is reached, it shouldn't matter how you got there. I'm not saying we should do a crappy job, but damn, if there's a quicker easier way to get it done right, I say GO FOR IT!! Life is too short to spend it slaving over your house the old fashioned way. Get it done, use the modern cleaning stuff that's out there, make your kids help, hire someone if you can for the really shitty jobs, and enjoy the extra time you gain! I'm going to, with no guilt what so ever.
We all have to do the various stages of keeping our home clean:
There's the quickie 15 minute pick up, hide things in rooms, close the door , put the dishes in the oven, spray some fabreeze, and run the vacuum in the rooms people are going to see. This is handy when someone calls and says they're stopping in unexpectedly. If you're really good, you can brush your teeth, toss on some clean clothes, and slap on a quick coat of mascara. As long as you're not all sweaty and breathing heavy when they ring the door bell, you may just pull it off that this is how your house ALWAYS looks.
Then there's the light cleaning. This is where you run the vacuum, dust a little, maybe wipe off any gross stuff off the toilet. Straighten up and put things away, maybe wipe the counters down and do the dishes. Not a full cleaning, but when you're done the house looks tidy. These are the days you really want to take a nap and get a pedicure...so you do a little housework to rid your mind of the guilt of taking some time for yourself.
Then there's the regular cleaning, maybe every two weeks or so. This is where you scrub the bathroom down good, clean the mirrors, dust everything, change the sheets, vacuum & mop, vacuum under the cushions of the sofa. When you finish and turn around the house looks and smells clean, and you feel like you accomplished something. These are the days when you get annoyed that your husband didn't notice all your hard work, and you get really pissed when the kids leave peanut butter on the counter and don't wipe it up.
Then there's the stuff you only do a few times a year. Wipe down the doors, clean all the trim and window sills, vacuum under the furniture, dust the blinds, straightening out your closet and drawers, clean the inside of the fridge, clean the oven, maybe wipe out some cabinets or the pantry. This is extra and only done when you are having company in from out of town, or if it REALLY needs to be done. (this is also the list I turn to when I'm mad at the kids and want to punish them for pissing me off. They hate these jobs as much as I do, so might as well kill two birds with one stone: 1 - discipline 2 - I don't have to do it)
Then there's the once a year stuff. Cleaning up the mess from winter, raking (sometimes this is twice a year) trimming the bushes, making sure the front of your house looks clean and tidy (this is the side seen from the street, gotta keep up appearances), cleaning out the garage & dusting the ceiling fans. Which reminds me mine need to be done. These are sometimes a full day job, and you usually get really dirty. These jobs are best done with a 6 pack or more of your favorite alcoholic beverage, Diasy dukes, a bandana in yer hair, and loud music.
Then there's the stuff you put off forever, and don't really want to do, but have to do every couple years or so. Cleaning out the gutters, powerwashing the siding, any painting that needs to be done, aerating the yard, staining outdoor stuff that looks like crap. These are the big jobs that you would really rather hire someone to do, and you have to weigh the cost with the effort.
Onward towards my point...I already did the front of my house with magic erasers, windex, squeegies and scrub brushes. It looks like a brand new model home. I did this last year too. It takes about 12 hours to get it all sparklie clean. (I must give proper credit, Steve helped me for about 3 hours too).
The back and sides of my house are a totally different deal all together. We live along the tree line, have no neighbors behind us, and I've never seen my side neighbors in their back yards in the 18+ months we've lived here. So, what is my motivation for cleaning this as good as the front of the house? No one other than us is going to see it. The gutters are in dire need of a good scrubbing, & the windows have never been washed. I don't think the previous owners ever did anything back there either. So that's about 5 years of yuck. I can put it off no longer.
I figured I'd start with the rest of the 1st floor windows. I can reach them easily and there's only 12 of them left to do. (getting closer to what I'm trying to say)
My mother had a certain system for washing windows. It was terribly time consuming, very specific, and if you didn't do it exactly that way, it was wrong. Here it is:
1- remove screens and scrub both sides with a brush & soap, rinse and dry.
2 - vacuum and wipe out sills
3 - scrub entire window and trim. inside and out, with soapy water and a scrubbie
4 - wipe down window & trim with a wet rag
5 - windex and wipe with a dry cloth
6 - buff dry with a paper towel
every spec of fly poop better have been removed as well.
Ok there is no doubt that this will result in a beautifully clean and streak free window. It also takes at LEAST half an hour per window. My house has 29 windows. There is no freaking way I'm spending 15+ hours washing windows. The first time it rains, guess what...they're filthy again anyway.
I discovered today that the spray on window washing stuff you use with your hose actually works, at a cost of a whopping $7.50. Here's the process:
1 - rinse for 20 seconds
2 - spray with soap for 20 seconds
3 - let sit for a minute or so
4 - rinse till suds are gone
5 - let air dry
2 minutes tops, and I was doing 3 windows at a time. You still have to wipe out the inside sills and stuff, but that's easily added to a day of light cleaning some other time.
so I did all 12 of the remaining downstairs windows in less than half an hour. Damned if I can't tell the difference between the front windows and the back windows.
So here's my point. I still feel like they are not clean enough, that I didn't do them good enough, and that I took the easy lazy way out. I have been programed that unless a job is hard, and time consuming then it's not done right. God forbid there are easier and just as effective ways of doing things. I need a RE-programming.
This whole point also applies to mopping floors. There's no way a mop could possibly clean the floors as good as doing it on your hands and knees, right? That's what our mothers and grandmothers told us, so it must be true. When I was a kid we had to vacuum, then dust mop, then mop on our hands and knees. These days I usually vacuum, spray some mop and clean, go over it with a mop, and call it good. But, there's always this nagging voice in my head "you know they're not as clean as if you had done them on your hands and knees you lazy slacker."
Last week I decided I would do a full kitchen cleaning. It needed it. I wiped down and oiled all the cabinets, got into the corners of the floor with a brush, washed the walls, and mopped on my hands and knees. In total about 8 hours of cleaning. Wanna know what I discovered? There was hardly any gunk in the cracks of the trim, and the mop water in the bucket was hardly dirty. The damned floors were already clean from the mop! Still, I felt like it was "better" because it took me 4 times as long and hurt my back and knees.
Am I the only one who struggles with this impossible to achieve ideal? Does housework have to be physically demanding, and take forever for it to count? Brushing the cookie crumbs onto the floor should be just as good as getting a rag and wiping them up, right? The floor's going to get vacuumed within a few days anyway, and more than likely the dogs will enjoy the extra morsels.
I think that as long as the end goal is reached, it shouldn't matter how you got there. I'm not saying we should do a crappy job, but damn, if there's a quicker easier way to get it done right, I say GO FOR IT!! Life is too short to spend it slaving over your house the old fashioned way. Get it done, use the modern cleaning stuff that's out there, make your kids help, hire someone if you can for the really shitty jobs, and enjoy the extra time you gain! I'm going to, with no guilt what so ever.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Women, can't live with em, can't kill em....
The Bridge
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help man kind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I , and all men, could understand women;
I want to know how she feels inside,
what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment,
why she cries,
what she means when she says nothing's wrong,
why she snaps and complains when I try to help,
and how I can make a woman truly happy.
God replied:
'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Thanks for the joke, Diana, that about sums it up. Women are a mystery to men, their children, themselves and each other. Why do we do the messed up crazy things we do? Where do we come up with these hairbrained ideas? What makes us torture ourselves to be "beautiful"? How can we then turn on a dime and be the most understanding, nurturing and loving being on the planet? We terrorize our families with our mood swings, but if it came down to it, we would lay down our own lives to save them if we had to. We are vicious fighters & passionate lovers. We are one ginormous messed up wonderful contradiction after another.
Personally, I love being a woman. I enjoy most of what comes with the package of being a girl. We get to get our hair done, we get to wear make up, dress up, look pretty, flirt with the boys, plus we have BOOBS (hell that one fact alone makes it pretty neat to be a chick). We get to be mothers and wives, we get the door opened for us, we don't have to change a tire unless we really want to. We can get the big strong boys to squish spiders and lift big things for us. Being a woman is pretty neat.
Being a woman in America is especially nice. We can go to school, get good jobs, we can vote, we are on equal footing with our male counterparts (yeah yeah, you feminists will argue that we are ever so oppressed still, but I call the bullshit flag on that.) Living here has afforded my husband the opportunities at a good enough job so that I can stay home, take care of the kids, take care of him, support his career, and be a musician without the stress of having to make a living at it. Whatever path a woman chooses in this country is possible, if that's big career goals, part time career goals, being a kept woman (my career path of choice), anything we want is there for the taking. I think that's pretty sweet.
Of course there are the downsides...
I don't blame men for wondering if they can trust something that bleeds for a week every month and doesn't die. Surely Steve has had many fantasies of murdering me in my sleep when I am on my PMS tirades. Trust me, it' s no picnic for us either. I hate being a raving lunatic bitch, but I just can't help myself sometimes...deal with it. I can make it a LOT worse if I so choose.
The beauty regiment can be time consuming, expensive and down right brutal. Hair removal should be listed under illegal torture. Need information from a terrorist? Give him half a bikini wax, and threaten him with the other side, he will tell you whatever you want. There's absolutely no good way to get rid of chin & lip hair, and I think it's pretty shitty that the older you get the more you have to rip off your face. We must cover our grays, shave our legs, keep the girly parts groomed, pluck endlessly, moisturize, exfoliate & control our wrinkles.
Clothing? Who ever decided that stiletto heels were a good idea should be taken out behind the barn and beaten with a willow branch. But I wear them, I like the way they make my butt look. Finding the right bra, jeans or bathing suit is impossible without full blown anxiety attacks. The clothing manufacturers need to realize that we are not all 7 feet tall, with the physique of a 12 year old boy. We have curves, please start making clothes that celebrate the our jiggly parts (I got that from Niecy Nash, love her).
Speaking of our "jiggly parts". Who ever said that having some meat on our bones was a bad thing? Poll 100 men and I bet the majority of them would choose a voluptuous woman over a skeleton any day. We must take care of our selves, be fit and healthy, but come on, we don't all want to be an anorexic size 2. Besides, I like to eat.
Is anyone else really bitter with Eve? She totally mucked things up for the rest of us. No self control, she just HAD to have the apple. I plan on giving her a piece of my mind when I get to heaven. There's TONS of other fruits out there, she couldn't choose one of those? Even the first woman didn't deal well with being told she couldn't have something. We just love to rebel and do whatever the hell we want anyway. Might as well, the damage is already done. Still, I would have gone without apples forever to not have a period or not have to push out a watermelon sized child out an opening the size of a grape. Just saying, that was really inconsiderate of her, but typically female.
A woman can be your best friend when she loves you, or your absolute worst enemy when she's pissed off. We have the ability to hold grudges for eternity, or to forgive completely. It's kind of unpredictable, so... too bad, you'll just have to wait and see what happens, cause she isn't going to do anything until she's damned good and ready.
Even with our flaws, we are pretty amazing creatures. We can grow a whole person inside our bellies, and that is frigging amazing. We are soft and sweet, exciting and mysterious, smart & fun. Celebrate your womanhood, ladies, bask in it, it's a wonderful gift.
Men, take some time to stand back and really look at the woman in your life. Look past her irrational emotional outbreaks & the nagging and really LOOK at who she is. She is your best friend, she loves you & your children, she would kill & die for you, she is your soft place to land, she is the one who holds you accountable, keeps you in line, and helps you reach your fullest potential. More than likely she takes care of your laundry, your food intake, & your home. After you take that long hard look at the one you love, make sure you tell her "Thank You"... it's a simple thing, but it will mean the world to her. (Plus that kinda stuff really helps if you're trying to get lucky, lol)
Hopefully this cleared up a few things about women and gave you a new appreciation for them =)
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help man kind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I , and all men, could understand women;
I want to know how she feels inside,
what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment,
why she cries,
what she means when she says nothing's wrong,
why she snaps and complains when I try to help,
and how I can make a woman truly happy.
God replied:
'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Thanks for the joke, Diana, that about sums it up. Women are a mystery to men, their children, themselves and each other. Why do we do the messed up crazy things we do? Where do we come up with these hairbrained ideas? What makes us torture ourselves to be "beautiful"? How can we then turn on a dime and be the most understanding, nurturing and loving being on the planet? We terrorize our families with our mood swings, but if it came down to it, we would lay down our own lives to save them if we had to. We are vicious fighters & passionate lovers. We are one ginormous messed up wonderful contradiction after another.
Personally, I love being a woman. I enjoy most of what comes with the package of being a girl. We get to get our hair done, we get to wear make up, dress up, look pretty, flirt with the boys, plus we have BOOBS (hell that one fact alone makes it pretty neat to be a chick). We get to be mothers and wives, we get the door opened for us, we don't have to change a tire unless we really want to. We can get the big strong boys to squish spiders and lift big things for us. Being a woman is pretty neat.
Being a woman in America is especially nice. We can go to school, get good jobs, we can vote, we are on equal footing with our male counterparts (yeah yeah, you feminists will argue that we are ever so oppressed still, but I call the bullshit flag on that.) Living here has afforded my husband the opportunities at a good enough job so that I can stay home, take care of the kids, take care of him, support his career, and be a musician without the stress of having to make a living at it. Whatever path a woman chooses in this country is possible, if that's big career goals, part time career goals, being a kept woman (my career path of choice), anything we want is there for the taking. I think that's pretty sweet.
Of course there are the downsides...
I don't blame men for wondering if they can trust something that bleeds for a week every month and doesn't die. Surely Steve has had many fantasies of murdering me in my sleep when I am on my PMS tirades. Trust me, it' s no picnic for us either. I hate being a raving lunatic bitch, but I just can't help myself sometimes...deal with it. I can make it a LOT worse if I so choose.
The beauty regiment can be time consuming, expensive and down right brutal. Hair removal should be listed under illegal torture. Need information from a terrorist? Give him half a bikini wax, and threaten him with the other side, he will tell you whatever you want. There's absolutely no good way to get rid of chin & lip hair, and I think it's pretty shitty that the older you get the more you have to rip off your face. We must cover our grays, shave our legs, keep the girly parts groomed, pluck endlessly, moisturize, exfoliate & control our wrinkles.
Clothing? Who ever decided that stiletto heels were a good idea should be taken out behind the barn and beaten with a willow branch. But I wear them, I like the way they make my butt look. Finding the right bra, jeans or bathing suit is impossible without full blown anxiety attacks. The clothing manufacturers need to realize that we are not all 7 feet tall, with the physique of a 12 year old boy. We have curves, please start making clothes that celebrate the our jiggly parts (I got that from Niecy Nash, love her).
Speaking of our "jiggly parts". Who ever said that having some meat on our bones was a bad thing? Poll 100 men and I bet the majority of them would choose a voluptuous woman over a skeleton any day. We must take care of our selves, be fit and healthy, but come on, we don't all want to be an anorexic size 2. Besides, I like to eat.
Is anyone else really bitter with Eve? She totally mucked things up for the rest of us. No self control, she just HAD to have the apple. I plan on giving her a piece of my mind when I get to heaven. There's TONS of other fruits out there, she couldn't choose one of those? Even the first woman didn't deal well with being told she couldn't have something. We just love to rebel and do whatever the hell we want anyway. Might as well, the damage is already done. Still, I would have gone without apples forever to not have a period or not have to push out a watermelon sized child out an opening the size of a grape. Just saying, that was really inconsiderate of her, but typically female.
A woman can be your best friend when she loves you, or your absolute worst enemy when she's pissed off. We have the ability to hold grudges for eternity, or to forgive completely. It's kind of unpredictable, so... too bad, you'll just have to wait and see what happens, cause she isn't going to do anything until she's damned good and ready.
Even with our flaws, we are pretty amazing creatures. We can grow a whole person inside our bellies, and that is frigging amazing. We are soft and sweet, exciting and mysterious, smart & fun. Celebrate your womanhood, ladies, bask in it, it's a wonderful gift.
Men, take some time to stand back and really look at the woman in your life. Look past her irrational emotional outbreaks & the nagging and really LOOK at who she is. She is your best friend, she loves you & your children, she would kill & die for you, she is your soft place to land, she is the one who holds you accountable, keeps you in line, and helps you reach your fullest potential. More than likely she takes care of your laundry, your food intake, & your home. After you take that long hard look at the one you love, make sure you tell her "Thank You"... it's a simple thing, but it will mean the world to her. (Plus that kinda stuff really helps if you're trying to get lucky, lol)
Hopefully this cleared up a few things about women and gave you a new appreciation for them =)
Sunday, April 18, 2010
My Love/Hate Relationship with Spanx
Having babies does horrible things to a woman's body. Our skin is stretched out, our muscles are weakened, our boobs are sent south.... Sure, plastic surgery can fix it all, but damn that stuff is expensive and hurts like a mother. I absolutely love my store bought boobies, and eventually I'd like to purchase my 18 year old belly back. In the mean time, I have turned to the fancy dancy ever so popular Spanx.
If you've never seen them, they are basically footless nylons, that come all the way up to your bra. (Legg's also makes a version that are much cheaper. I like them just as much) They hold things in, and create this wonderfully smooth belly, with no muffin tops or rolls. I love the result I get from wearing them, but there are some definite downsides.
First off, trying to get the damn things on. This should always be done in complete privacy, because I'm sure it looks much like trying to put a whale in a wetsuit. I pull, straighten, adjust, lose my balance, cuss & wiggle. By the time they are properly on my body, I am winded, and sometimes a little sweaty. But, they look great, so it's worth the effort.
Secondly, always make sure you use the bathroom before you put them on. Otherwise you'll be going through it all over again shortly, because you need to pull em down to go. There is a trap door in the crotch, that if you're brave you can try to use to pee, but seriously, it's too small, and you will more than likely end up with wet Spanx.
Thirdly, no matter what, they slowly slide down your back, creating this "tire" effect under your bra strap and the top of the Spanx. So, I find myself pulling the back up fairly regularly. I'm quite certain they look much better from the front than from the back, but who cares, I only see the front in the mirror.
If you find yourself with that little "bloopie" over the top of your jeans, and are tired of your underwear creating ugly panty lines, try Spanx (or the cheaper leggs version). They really look great. You will love how you look, but hate the effort it takes to wear the damn things.
If you've never seen them, they are basically footless nylons, that come all the way up to your bra. (Legg's also makes a version that are much cheaper. I like them just as much) They hold things in, and create this wonderfully smooth belly, with no muffin tops or rolls. I love the result I get from wearing them, but there are some definite downsides.
First off, trying to get the damn things on. This should always be done in complete privacy, because I'm sure it looks much like trying to put a whale in a wetsuit. I pull, straighten, adjust, lose my balance, cuss & wiggle. By the time they are properly on my body, I am winded, and sometimes a little sweaty. But, they look great, so it's worth the effort.
Secondly, always make sure you use the bathroom before you put them on. Otherwise you'll be going through it all over again shortly, because you need to pull em down to go. There is a trap door in the crotch, that if you're brave you can try to use to pee, but seriously, it's too small, and you will more than likely end up with wet Spanx.
Thirdly, no matter what, they slowly slide down your back, creating this "tire" effect under your bra strap and the top of the Spanx. So, I find myself pulling the back up fairly regularly. I'm quite certain they look much better from the front than from the back, but who cares, I only see the front in the mirror.
If you find yourself with that little "bloopie" over the top of your jeans, and are tired of your underwear creating ugly panty lines, try Spanx (or the cheaper leggs version). They really look great. You will love how you look, but hate the effort it takes to wear the damn things.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Saturday Blues
I hate Saturdays. It's the day Steve goes back to work each week after two days off. It's the day the girls usually both have plans. It's the day I sit home alone most of the day. It's the day that most of my housework is still done, so there's little that needs to be done. Don't get me wrong, I like to have time to myself, but Saturdays are so abruptly quiet and lonely. It's a shock to the system.
Today may seem worse than most Saturdays due to the fact that I struggle controlling my emotions the week before Aunt Flow visits. (sorry if this is TMI). I am trying very hard to be more aware of the cycle of emotional storms that I go through each month. It's amazing how much of a jerk Steve turns into every single month the week before my period, his timing is spot on... Yeah, that's what I used to think, but now I realize that it's me being way too oversensitive to everything. Before the Wellbutrin, I was a monster, and felt justified in every crazy rage I went into. Now, I can see what is actually happening, and I'm making an effort to control it. Failure to control it completely has been an issue, but it's better at least, and Steve isn't taking it as personally now that we realize it may be something I can't necessarily control.
As for the weighloss goal...we have had a rather bad week. No workouts, and eating out WAY too much. I haven't gained anything, but haven't lost anything either, and I feel like shit. The need for Chinese food was just too overwhelming, and started the downward spiral into ice cream cones, hamburgers and pizza. I feel bloated, tired, my skin is a disaster, and I just plain don't like it. Tomorrow we go back to the fresh food, home made low fat, low sodium dinners, fruits and veggies. We should know better!
I didn't have my first counseling session, as my counselor got food poisoning the day of my appointment. We are rescheduled for Monday, so I am still fretting about what it is going to be like, but I'm excited to get started.
Today I have been spending time learning organ parts for the band. I hope I can remember it all for tomorrow's rehearsal. I'm so used to just singing and shaking my ass, that I get intimidated when I have to contribute instrumentally. It's silly, but I'm used to sitting and playing on my own gear. I get all thrown off by having to stand and play on someone else's set up. I used to pick on drummers for having to have their stuff set up to the exact millimeter, but I never will again. I realize now that when you spend hours upon hours, days upon days, with the keyboard a certain height, your stool a certain height, your mic in just the right spot; your body and muscles actually get so used to it, than when you have to play on a different set up, it feels wrong, and throws ya off. At least it does for me. Makes me look like I can't play, lol. Which leads me to an anxiety attack, and the train goes completely off the track. Need to work on that =)
To fight my Saturday blues, a nice walk is in order. It's a beautiful warm evening here in North Carolina. I'm going to grab my iPod, leash up a dog, walk and sing out loud (so what if my neighbors think I'm a nutcase), breath in the fresh air, and remind myself that I have absolutely nothing to feel blue about.
Today may seem worse than most Saturdays due to the fact that I struggle controlling my emotions the week before Aunt Flow visits. (sorry if this is TMI). I am trying very hard to be more aware of the cycle of emotional storms that I go through each month. It's amazing how much of a jerk Steve turns into every single month the week before my period, his timing is spot on... Yeah, that's what I used to think, but now I realize that it's me being way too oversensitive to everything. Before the Wellbutrin, I was a monster, and felt justified in every crazy rage I went into. Now, I can see what is actually happening, and I'm making an effort to control it. Failure to control it completely has been an issue, but it's better at least, and Steve isn't taking it as personally now that we realize it may be something I can't necessarily control.
As for the weighloss goal...we have had a rather bad week. No workouts, and eating out WAY too much. I haven't gained anything, but haven't lost anything either, and I feel like shit. The need for Chinese food was just too overwhelming, and started the downward spiral into ice cream cones, hamburgers and pizza. I feel bloated, tired, my skin is a disaster, and I just plain don't like it. Tomorrow we go back to the fresh food, home made low fat, low sodium dinners, fruits and veggies. We should know better!
I didn't have my first counseling session, as my counselor got food poisoning the day of my appointment. We are rescheduled for Monday, so I am still fretting about what it is going to be like, but I'm excited to get started.
Today I have been spending time learning organ parts for the band. I hope I can remember it all for tomorrow's rehearsal. I'm so used to just singing and shaking my ass, that I get intimidated when I have to contribute instrumentally. It's silly, but I'm used to sitting and playing on my own gear. I get all thrown off by having to stand and play on someone else's set up. I used to pick on drummers for having to have their stuff set up to the exact millimeter, but I never will again. I realize now that when you spend hours upon hours, days upon days, with the keyboard a certain height, your stool a certain height, your mic in just the right spot; your body and muscles actually get so used to it, than when you have to play on a different set up, it feels wrong, and throws ya off. At least it does for me. Makes me look like I can't play, lol. Which leads me to an anxiety attack, and the train goes completely off the track. Need to work on that =)
To fight my Saturday blues, a nice walk is in order. It's a beautiful warm evening here in North Carolina. I'm going to grab my iPod, leash up a dog, walk and sing out loud (so what if my neighbors think I'm a nutcase), breath in the fresh air, and remind myself that I have absolutely nothing to feel blue about.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Magic Erasers are the greatest thing ever invented.
The past few days have been crazy.
-Friday we arrived home from a week in MI
-Saturday I relocated my scrapbook room into the empty half of my music room (this took most of the day). Now it's my "Shannon Cave", my creative sanctuary, I love it.
-Sunday was a long rehearsal with Restless, exhausting, but SO FUN & productive.
-Monday I went to Costco, got gas & the oil changed in the Exploder, washed the exploder, got groceries, did laundry & dishes, and cooked a full blown home made meal.
-Tuesday (today) I decided to wash the front windows and front door. That turned into 9 hours of cleaning all the trim, the porch railings, gutters, sofets, garage door, the upstairs front windows & trim, the porch furniture and sprayed off the cement. WTF got into me?
Now, I have to say that magic erasers are the most amazing product ever. The front of my house looks brand new, everything is fresh, sparklie clean & white. I tried the power washer last year, and it didn't do squat, the black gunk didn't come off anything. But without any elbow grease, the magic erasers return things to new. My neighbors spend thousands of dollars getting their porches and trim repainted. Hundreds to get a crappy power washing job. I spent a total of $7.50, and some time and my house looks just as good. Got a little excersise and some sun as a bonus.
After dinner with Steve, I thought maybe I'd just dust a little. That turned into cleaning the dining room, front living room, downstairs bathroom, foyer, trim, doors and the great room. 3 more hours of cleaning. That is a total of 12 hours cleaning today, seriously what is wrong with me? Who does that? I actually had fun, and enjoyed it, and I'm looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.
I guess it's another sign of how outstanding I feel lately. Having my house reflect my mood is important to me. Everything in order, taken care of. Maybe it's a manic episode, maybe it's my OCD making an appearance... if so, I'm getting a shit ton done, so I'm not going to complain. I just hope that the down turn doesn't happen.
The plan for tomorrow is to do the rest of the downstairs windows & trim, clean the gutters & sofets around the sun room, scrub down the patio furniture, doors and cement. Steve is going to put together the new smaller table and chairs for the breakfast nook. If I can sneak it in, I want to clean the kitchen so it's all pretty for the new furniture. That will lead to cleaning the sun room, I'm quite certain.
Thursday is my first therapy session with Dr. Fisher. I'm nervous. My head is no place to be mucking about. Is it really a good idea to stir up all that old stuff? Do I really want to have to discuss the happenings of my childhood, the bad relationship with my mother, the completely stupid stuff I've done, my issues with self medicating in the past with alcohol and drugs? I don't know if I do. It's all been tucked away nice and safe somewhere in the deepest parts of my mind. Maybe it should all stay there, maybe it needs to be brought up again so I can finally resolve it all for real. That's a lot of "maybes".
What is giving me the courage to go is the fact that my life has improved so much just from getting on Wellbutrin. How much better can it get if I can finally unload all the bullshit from the past? How much more will I accomplish when I am finally free from the craziness in my head? All I want is to be a better mother, a better wife, a prolific songwriter, healthy and happy as can be.
It's about 8.5 months till my 40th birthday. The weightloss goal is on track. I didn't anticipate that I would take such control over my health, both physical and mental. But the momentum generated by setting some simple goals, following through & seeing results is incredible. Things beyond my imagination could be on the horizon, and I want to be ready. Add in the progress in my music career and it's a picture of a life headed in the right direction.
I feel like the troubles in my life are being magically erased, I feel fresh and new, sparklie clean. Just like my house, there's a lot more to do, but if I work at it every day, eventually it will all get done.
-Friday we arrived home from a week in MI
-Saturday I relocated my scrapbook room into the empty half of my music room (this took most of the day). Now it's my "Shannon Cave", my creative sanctuary, I love it.
-Sunday was a long rehearsal with Restless, exhausting, but SO FUN & productive.
-Monday I went to Costco, got gas & the oil changed in the Exploder, washed the exploder, got groceries, did laundry & dishes, and cooked a full blown home made meal.
-Tuesday (today) I decided to wash the front windows and front door. That turned into 9 hours of cleaning all the trim, the porch railings, gutters, sofets, garage door, the upstairs front windows & trim, the porch furniture and sprayed off the cement. WTF got into me?
Now, I have to say that magic erasers are the most amazing product ever. The front of my house looks brand new, everything is fresh, sparklie clean & white. I tried the power washer last year, and it didn't do squat, the black gunk didn't come off anything. But without any elbow grease, the magic erasers return things to new. My neighbors spend thousands of dollars getting their porches and trim repainted. Hundreds to get a crappy power washing job. I spent a total of $7.50, and some time and my house looks just as good. Got a little excersise and some sun as a bonus.
After dinner with Steve, I thought maybe I'd just dust a little. That turned into cleaning the dining room, front living room, downstairs bathroom, foyer, trim, doors and the great room. 3 more hours of cleaning. That is a total of 12 hours cleaning today, seriously what is wrong with me? Who does that? I actually had fun, and enjoyed it, and I'm looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.
I guess it's another sign of how outstanding I feel lately. Having my house reflect my mood is important to me. Everything in order, taken care of. Maybe it's a manic episode, maybe it's my OCD making an appearance... if so, I'm getting a shit ton done, so I'm not going to complain. I just hope that the down turn doesn't happen.
The plan for tomorrow is to do the rest of the downstairs windows & trim, clean the gutters & sofets around the sun room, scrub down the patio furniture, doors and cement. Steve is going to put together the new smaller table and chairs for the breakfast nook. If I can sneak it in, I want to clean the kitchen so it's all pretty for the new furniture. That will lead to cleaning the sun room, I'm quite certain.
Thursday is my first therapy session with Dr. Fisher. I'm nervous. My head is no place to be mucking about. Is it really a good idea to stir up all that old stuff? Do I really want to have to discuss the happenings of my childhood, the bad relationship with my mother, the completely stupid stuff I've done, my issues with self medicating in the past with alcohol and drugs? I don't know if I do. It's all been tucked away nice and safe somewhere in the deepest parts of my mind. Maybe it should all stay there, maybe it needs to be brought up again so I can finally resolve it all for real. That's a lot of "maybes".
What is giving me the courage to go is the fact that my life has improved so much just from getting on Wellbutrin. How much better can it get if I can finally unload all the bullshit from the past? How much more will I accomplish when I am finally free from the craziness in my head? All I want is to be a better mother, a better wife, a prolific songwriter, healthy and happy as can be.
It's about 8.5 months till my 40th birthday. The weightloss goal is on track. I didn't anticipate that I would take such control over my health, both physical and mental. But the momentum generated by setting some simple goals, following through & seeing results is incredible. Things beyond my imagination could be on the horizon, and I want to be ready. Add in the progress in my music career and it's a picture of a life headed in the right direction.
I feel like the troubles in my life are being magically erased, I feel fresh and new, sparklie clean. Just like my house, there's a lot more to do, but if I work at it every day, eventually it will all get done.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Vacation weight loss? Is that possible?
So, I was out of town for 7 days. I ate at all my favorite places, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, Pizza, Mexican, American Burger joint, McDonalds and road food. I went 'round the food world! Somehow I still managed to lose 2 pounds. There was no time for walking/running, and yet no weight gain. That is just awsome! It's amazing the changes that come along when your mind is in the right place.
I'm full of all this positive energy. Springtime exploded all over the place while I was gone. When we left, the trees were barely budding. Now there is a sea of bright green leaves, flowers, and the Jasmine is going crazy. I can smell the new life blooming all around me and it is making me burst with excitement about where life is leading me right now.
Steve and I are starting back up with P90 on Monday. I think we're going to start right back at day 1. We'll see. There's 3 months till we go to MI for summer vacation. The next 3 months are going to be crazy! P90x, band rehearsals, first performances with the new band. Life is amazing, and I can't believe how quickly it can turn around.
125 is going to happen by January for sure and hopefully sooner. My childhood dream of being a country singer is coming true. It's a local cover band and I'm completely satisfied with that, in fact I'm STOKED. There are more important things than big time fame and fortune. Things like doing something you love, working with people you can trust, people who are fun, people who work hard, people who treat you with respect...I have found all these qualities with my new band mates.
Hello Springtime, thanks for being so wonderful this year!
I'm full of all this positive energy. Springtime exploded all over the place while I was gone. When we left, the trees were barely budding. Now there is a sea of bright green leaves, flowers, and the Jasmine is going crazy. I can smell the new life blooming all around me and it is making me burst with excitement about where life is leading me right now.
Steve and I are starting back up with P90 on Monday. I think we're going to start right back at day 1. We'll see. There's 3 months till we go to MI for summer vacation. The next 3 months are going to be crazy! P90x, band rehearsals, first performances with the new band. Life is amazing, and I can't believe how quickly it can turn around.
125 is going to happen by January for sure and hopefully sooner. My childhood dream of being a country singer is coming true. It's a local cover band and I'm completely satisfied with that, in fact I'm STOKED. There are more important things than big time fame and fortune. Things like doing something you love, working with people you can trust, people who are fun, people who work hard, people who treat you with respect...I have found all these qualities with my new band mates.
Hello Springtime, thanks for being so wonderful this year!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Me Vs. 4 year old
It has been many years since I have to reason with a small child. It's clear I have lost some of my skill. How was I supposed to know that my brother-in-law had put the car seat, that has been in the foyer since I got here, back in his van this morning.
Now, in hindsight, I should have checked that the booster seat was still there before announcing a trip to the McDonald's play place for lunch. Once I had to tell my 4 year old niece that we couldn't go because we didn't have a car seat, her entire world crumbled. Tears, foot stomping, crossed arms, glaring eyes. "My dad shouldn't have done that!" "YOU should have told him NOT to". I can't argue with her logic, I should have made sure.
I tried to make it better by telling her we'd go for dinner. She doesn't WANT to go later. In fact she has decided that she doesn't want to go anywhere, ever again.
Being that I'm not her mother, and I only want her to love me all the time, I resorted to bribery. Tostitos and chocolate for lunch, and full run of the TV. She was in a coma staring at the boob tube in about 5 minutes. She has totally forgotten about my bad auntie moment, and I'm back in her good graces. Her mother can deal with the fact that I gave in to her fit, I'm going back to North Carolina tomorrow.
Now, in hindsight, I should have checked that the booster seat was still there before announcing a trip to the McDonald's play place for lunch. Once I had to tell my 4 year old niece that we couldn't go because we didn't have a car seat, her entire world crumbled. Tears, foot stomping, crossed arms, glaring eyes. "My dad shouldn't have done that!" "YOU should have told him NOT to". I can't argue with her logic, I should have made sure.
I tried to make it better by telling her we'd go for dinner. She doesn't WANT to go later. In fact she has decided that she doesn't want to go anywhere, ever again.
Being that I'm not her mother, and I only want her to love me all the time, I resorted to bribery. Tostitos and chocolate for lunch, and full run of the TV. She was in a coma staring at the boob tube in about 5 minutes. She has totally forgotten about my bad auntie moment, and I'm back in her good graces. Her mother can deal with the fact that I gave in to her fit, I'm going back to North Carolina tomorrow.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Staying on Track
My sister has a scale in her bathroom. I was a little nervous about stepping onto it this morning. I've been out of town for 5 days, eating out. I've tried to be sensible, small portions of the unhealthy stuff, salad when I can get it, but there's only so much damage control you can do when traveling. The weather has been awful, so I haven't walked. All of this was racing through my mind as I stepped on to the thing that I was sure would tell me I had packed on some poundage the past few days. Much to my delight, I have lost a pound! It will soon be time to buy new jeans, as the ones I'm wearing are starting to fall off a little too much for public decency.
If I can just make it through the next 2.5 days without completely blowing it, I should be right on track with the weight loss when I get home. The wellbutrin really helps with the appetite, mixed with a little will power, and determination. I WILL reach this goal.
If I can just make it through the next 2.5 days without completely blowing it, I should be right on track with the weight loss when I get home. The wellbutrin really helps with the appetite, mixed with a little will power, and determination. I WILL reach this goal.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The "look"
I'm back at my post in a McDonald's booth in Hart, MI to get my internet fix for the day. My cell phone doesn't even work at my Dad's house, no internet. Ah the good old days before the addiction to information and communication came along. Hell, I remember having a "party line" when I was a kid. I still hold the phone receiver to my ear to see if anyone is "on the line" before I dial when using a regular phone. Old habits die hard I guess.
I'm about to head out of my home town. I've been gone for 20+ years, but there are people who still remember me. I feel sad to leave, it's been so wonderful to immerse myself in that small town life for the past few days, with people I actually know. It makes me so much more aware of how isolated we are down in NC. I seriously need to rectify that and get out more, try to become a part of the community in Indian Trail.
But, not EVERYONE remembers me, lol. Both mornings walking into McDonalds, and at one of the local food joints with my dad, I got that small town "look" from all the locals. You know, the one where they all turn to see who's coming in the door, then give you a good once over 'cause they don't know who you are. The "look" is compounded by the fact that everyone DOES know who my dad is, and people always mistake me for his "date" rather than his daughter. He's only 19 years older than I am, so I suppose that would be an honest mistake to make at this point. He usually introduces me right away as his daughter so there is no misunderstanding. Although at the bowling alley last night I didn't get introduced to everyone, lol, so I'm sure some of his buddies have the wrong idea. Oh well, let them think what they want. My dad's pretty cool, good lookin' guy, he could get a girl 20 years younger if he wanted to.
I try to drive out by Lake Michigan whenever I'm home. You just don't realize how amazingly glorious the beaches and dunes are here until you can't see them whenever you want. Those of us who grew up going to Silver Lake & Pentwater beaches feel a certain bond with the lakes. I feel drawn to it when I'm home, just to see it, make sure it's still there, get a taste of that familiar air and comfortable feeling you get just from seeing that blue water and white sand. We did the whole coast from Silver Lake to Ludington, so beautiful, I feel a little rejuvenated.
Dad and I ate at Hart Pizza last night, which was the only place to hang out after 9 o'clock in Hart when I was in highschool. Steve and I had our first date there. Dad and I sat in the very booth where that date took place. Hart Pizza is expanding and moving to a new location, which is wonderful. In this economy to have a business that is actually growing is awsome. But...my heart sinks just a little knowing that's the last time I'll sit in that booth. I took a picture of it.
As I sit here, I'm blatantly listening to the conversations around me. One table is discussing fishing boats, how to repair an engine and their favorite spots to fish. Another is a grandmother who has brought her two small grandchildren in for a Happy Meal, and she's trying to get them to eat every last bite. Almost every man in here is doning a baseball hat, and I count 4 of them that are camouflage, 1 John Deer, and a Ski-doo. Let's see what else, 2 pair of bib overhauls, 4 plaid shirts, some Carharts, an Amish family and an entire restaurant full of people that look damned happy. They're cracking jokes, laughing, talking about family and friends...this is a great place to have lunch. I'm all done with my hamburger happy meal. I really should get some gas and hit the road, but I just don't want to leave the warm fuzzy feeling I get from sitting in the midst of my hometown people, even though they don't know who I am.
We'll be back in July and I can get another re-fill on the hometown goodness. We'll get mistaken for just another tourist family, and I'm sure we'll get that "look" when we hit the local non-tourist hotspots, but that's ok. Steve and I will know the truth, this is still our town.
I'm about to head out of my home town. I've been gone for 20+ years, but there are people who still remember me. I feel sad to leave, it's been so wonderful to immerse myself in that small town life for the past few days, with people I actually know. It makes me so much more aware of how isolated we are down in NC. I seriously need to rectify that and get out more, try to become a part of the community in Indian Trail.
But, not EVERYONE remembers me, lol. Both mornings walking into McDonalds, and at one of the local food joints with my dad, I got that small town "look" from all the locals. You know, the one where they all turn to see who's coming in the door, then give you a good once over 'cause they don't know who you are. The "look" is compounded by the fact that everyone DOES know who my dad is, and people always mistake me for his "date" rather than his daughter. He's only 19 years older than I am, so I suppose that would be an honest mistake to make at this point. He usually introduces me right away as his daughter so there is no misunderstanding. Although at the bowling alley last night I didn't get introduced to everyone, lol, so I'm sure some of his buddies have the wrong idea. Oh well, let them think what they want. My dad's pretty cool, good lookin' guy, he could get a girl 20 years younger if he wanted to.
I try to drive out by Lake Michigan whenever I'm home. You just don't realize how amazingly glorious the beaches and dunes are here until you can't see them whenever you want. Those of us who grew up going to Silver Lake & Pentwater beaches feel a certain bond with the lakes. I feel drawn to it when I'm home, just to see it, make sure it's still there, get a taste of that familiar air and comfortable feeling you get just from seeing that blue water and white sand. We did the whole coast from Silver Lake to Ludington, so beautiful, I feel a little rejuvenated.
Dad and I ate at Hart Pizza last night, which was the only place to hang out after 9 o'clock in Hart when I was in highschool. Steve and I had our first date there. Dad and I sat in the very booth where that date took place. Hart Pizza is expanding and moving to a new location, which is wonderful. In this economy to have a business that is actually growing is awsome. But...my heart sinks just a little knowing that's the last time I'll sit in that booth. I took a picture of it.
As I sit here, I'm blatantly listening to the conversations around me. One table is discussing fishing boats, how to repair an engine and their favorite spots to fish. Another is a grandmother who has brought her two small grandchildren in for a Happy Meal, and she's trying to get them to eat every last bite. Almost every man in here is doning a baseball hat, and I count 4 of them that are camouflage, 1 John Deer, and a Ski-doo. Let's see what else, 2 pair of bib overhauls, 4 plaid shirts, some Carharts, an Amish family and an entire restaurant full of people that look damned happy. They're cracking jokes, laughing, talking about family and friends...this is a great place to have lunch. I'm all done with my hamburger happy meal. I really should get some gas and hit the road, but I just don't want to leave the warm fuzzy feeling I get from sitting in the midst of my hometown people, even though they don't know who I am.
We'll be back in July and I can get another re-fill on the hometown goodness. We'll get mistaken for just another tourist family, and I'm sure we'll get that "look" when we hit the local non-tourist hotspots, but that's ok. Steve and I will know the truth, this is still our town.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Toilet Seats
I would like to share some observations I've made while being on the road, and having to sit on strange toilet seats at restaurants & rest areas.
Perhaps my ass has gotten too used to the seats at my house. If so, I need to get out more, but here's what I'd like to know: Is it my imagination, or are the seats in public bathrooms wider and bigger? Has the American rump gotten so big that in order to accommodate the weight, we must have wider seats to sit on? It happened nearly every place I stopped if it had a fairly new bathroom. I thought maybe it was my imagination, but seriously, pay attention the next time you have to make a pit stop on the highway, I bet you'll notice it too.
Now the other theory is this. Maybe I have lost enough weight that it's not the seats that have gotten wider and bigger, but my hiney that has shrunk making it SEEM like the seats are wider and bigger. I'd like to believe that it's the latter, but I really don't think so. The seat at my dad's house, which is an older one, seems to fit like normal.
You may wonder what makes me want to write about this, the answer is that I have no idea why I wanted to write about this. I just thought it was interesting. If indeed we are making sturdier wider bigger toilet seats to keep our fat asses from breaking them, America seriously needs to get this under control. We shouldn't be changing things to make it easier to be severely overweight. I understand that some people just can't help it, but the average healthy American doesn't need to gorge themselves to the point of needing a bigger throne. Take a walk and eat some salad for God's sake.
So next time you use an unfamiliar toilet, see how it fits YOUR badonkadonk =)
Perhaps my ass has gotten too used to the seats at my house. If so, I need to get out more, but here's what I'd like to know: Is it my imagination, or are the seats in public bathrooms wider and bigger? Has the American rump gotten so big that in order to accommodate the weight, we must have wider seats to sit on? It happened nearly every place I stopped if it had a fairly new bathroom. I thought maybe it was my imagination, but seriously, pay attention the next time you have to make a pit stop on the highway, I bet you'll notice it too.
Now the other theory is this. Maybe I have lost enough weight that it's not the seats that have gotten wider and bigger, but my hiney that has shrunk making it SEEM like the seats are wider and bigger. I'd like to believe that it's the latter, but I really don't think so. The seat at my dad's house, which is an older one, seems to fit like normal.
You may wonder what makes me want to write about this, the answer is that I have no idea why I wanted to write about this. I just thought it was interesting. If indeed we are making sturdier wider bigger toilet seats to keep our fat asses from breaking them, America seriously needs to get this under control. We shouldn't be changing things to make it easier to be severely overweight. I understand that some people just can't help it, but the average healthy American doesn't need to gorge themselves to the point of needing a bigger throne. Take a walk and eat some salad for God's sake.
So next time you use an unfamiliar toilet, see how it fits YOUR badonkadonk =)
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