Saturday Blues

I hate Saturdays. It's the day Steve goes back to work each week after two days off. It's the day the girls usually both have plans. It's the day I sit home alone most of the day. It's the day that most of my housework is still done, so there's little that needs to be done. Don't get me wrong, I like to have time to myself, but Saturdays are so abruptly quiet and lonely. It's a shock to the system.


Today may seem worse than most Saturdays due to the fact that I struggle controlling my emotions the week before Aunt Flow visits. (sorry if this is TMI). I am trying very hard to be more aware of the cycle of emotional storms that I go through each month. It's amazing how much of a jerk Steve turns into every single month the week before my period, his timing is spot on... Yeah, that's what I used to think, but now I realize that it's me being way too oversensitive to everything. Before the Wellbutrin, I was a monster, and felt justified in every crazy rage I went into. Now, I can see what is actually happening, and I'm making an effort to control it. Failure to control it completely has been an issue, but it's better at least, and Steve isn't taking it as personally now that we realize it may be something I can't necessarily control.

As for the weighloss goal...we have had a rather bad week. No workouts, and eating out WAY too much. I haven't gained anything, but haven't lost anything either, and I feel like shit. The need for Chinese food was just too overwhelming, and started the downward spiral into ice cream cones, hamburgers and pizza. I feel bloated, tired, my skin is a disaster, and I just plain don't like it. Tomorrow we go back to the fresh food, home made low fat, low sodium dinners, fruits and veggies. We should know better!

I didn't have my first counseling session, as my counselor got food poisoning the day of my appointment. We are rescheduled for Monday, so I am still fretting about what it is going to be like, but I'm excited to get started.

Today I have been spending time learning organ parts for the band. I hope I can remember it all for tomorrow's rehearsal. I'm so used to just singing and shaking my ass, that I get intimidated when I have to contribute instrumentally. It's silly, but I'm used to sitting and playing on my own gear. I get all thrown off by having to stand and play on someone else's set up. I used to pick on drummers for having to have their stuff set up to the exact millimeter, but I never will again. I realize now that when you spend hours upon hours, days upon days, with the keyboard a certain height, your stool a certain height, your mic in just the right spot; your body and muscles actually get so used to it, than when you have to play on a different set up, it feels wrong, and throws ya off. At least it does for me. Makes me look like I can't play, lol. Which leads me to an anxiety attack, and the train goes completely off the track. Need to work on that =)

To fight my Saturday blues, a nice walk is in order. It's a beautiful warm evening here in North Carolina. I'm going to grab my iPod, leash up a dog, walk and sing out loud (so what if my neighbors think I'm a nutcase), breath in the fresh air, and remind myself that I have absolutely nothing to feel blue about.