Responsible Speaking

Let me preface this whole thing with me making it clear that I believe in free speech in this country, however, we still need to be careful where and when and around whom we speak.

Here is the inspiration for today's thoughts:

Today I went to the Porter Ridge Highschool to pick up Mackenzie early. I was in the office waiting and a woman behind me, standing at the desk said (rather loudly) "I don't care if they smoke, if they're legal, I say smoke 'em! Just not here or around me, I'm not going to judge anyone." I turned around, probably with a look of total shock on my face. Here was an adult woman, with 7 high schoolers (some of whom were in the midst of the conversation), a secretary, another man, and myself. None of these kids were 18. Why on EARTH would she say that? I said "Wow....I hope you don't ever say that in front of my kid." She backpeddled some "well, it's bad for you and you'll get cancer, but still". Just thinking about it I can feel my blood pressure rising. After she left the room, I asked the secretary who this woman was. Wanna know? This was an assistant principle, a person of authority in my daughter's high school.

Now, I completely agree with her statement. An adult can make these decisions for themself, and absolutely should be able to make those choices. However, never in a million years would I boisterously announce this opinion in a room full of other people's children that I was being paid to educate. It's hard enough to raise kids these days without having to battle being undermined by someone at the school. I can see it...

Parent "you better not be smoking."
Kid "I'm 18 and Miss Riker said that an adult should be able to smoke since it's legal, she said so at school"

In North Carolina, the legal age for sexual consent is 16. Would she say "Hey, if you're 16 and legal, scrump like bunnies, go for it! I'm not gonna judge anyone."

You can get married at 17 in North Carolina "Hey, if you're old enough and want to get married, go ahead! Have a few kids while you're at it, you're of age. I'm not gonna judge."

We need to understand as adults, that kids look up to us, listen to us, remember what we say. I'm quite certain I say stuff around my own kids that other parents wouldn't appreciate. We have a very frank and honest approach to parenting. But not everyone does, so I try to watch what I say when the kids have friends over. Our expectations are high, we're open and frank about life, but in no way would I ever endorse unhealthy behavior, no matter how legal it is. The decisions they make once they move out are their own, hopefully we will have given them the tools to make smart choices.

Teachers, pastors, coaches, mentors, etc. take on extra responsibility when they decide they are going to foster and educate other people's children. We as parents trust that they will be a positive influence, and respect certain unspoken boundaries. Whatever their personal beliefs, and whatever they do in their personal lives is their own business. But a blatant proclamation like that is completely inappropriate. It wasn't in the context of an educational debate, this was not an attempt to inspire a thought provoking conversation, it was just a statement in the middle of the High School Office. I'm still kind of boggled by it.

I'm not a naggy parent, I don't even go to my kid's conferences, because they get A's and B's, and have no behavioral problems. But I did call the Principle on this one, and ended up talking to a higher up administrator. They were less than pleased. I'm sure that Miss Riker is a very nice woman, and probably a great assistant principle, and maybe I was there for the rare moment when she wasn't thinking straight. I hated making the phone call, because I'm sure they get a ton of bitchy moms and dads calling to complain about every little thing, but I just couldn't let this one slide. I could never be a teacher or an adminstrator at a school. I am smart enough to know that I'm ill equipped for that kind of responsibility, and the crazy parents would probably drive me nuts.

What do you think? What would you have done? Should I have just let it go, or was the phone call justified? I FEEL like I'm in the right, but maybe I'm way off base. The other two adults in the room didn't say anything, and the secretary completely avoided having to give an opinion (even though at least two of the kids in that room were hers...). Help me out here.

Raising kids and making sure they are in the best possible environments is rough. I know life isn't perfect, and they will be in situations where they need to make hard choices. That's why we are so frank and honest about things. We want to send them out into the world with the confidence to make good choices, and handle it when they make a bad one. Trying to protect them from every little thing will only make it a bigger shock when they get out into the world. Bad influences will come into their lives, and hopefully we've done a good enough job that they can see it for what it is. I just never expected a situation to come from an administrator at the school. I'm disappointed, but it did make for an opportunity to have a conversation with my kids. Even the people who are supposed to have the answers can be wrong, and make mistakes sometimes. Listen to your heart, remember what you've been taught and stand by it as best you can. I guess that's the best we all can do.